my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
