Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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