Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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