thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
