Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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