I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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