he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
