Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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