She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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