whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
