Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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