smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
