K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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