The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she told me i tasted like america
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
