I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
