I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
