we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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