can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
