She is in my trunk
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Ketchup is God's man juice
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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