I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize