I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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