Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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