man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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