Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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