lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize