Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
