Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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