im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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