i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
