so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
