i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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