So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
