If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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