dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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