Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
