Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
