I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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