And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
