i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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