It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
