So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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