i need an iv and a liver transplant
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
