I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
