the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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