I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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