i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
