Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
