don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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