I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
