hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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