Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
