Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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