Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
