What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize