I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
