Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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