I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize