She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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