Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
