Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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