If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
