my being single is dangerous.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
