Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
