Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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