I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I understand Curling. That high.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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