I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
