I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize