i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize