So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize